Falling With Style

First Fall:

I was hanging outside the Queens center mall by the ugly concrete steps with my sister and my niece. At this point in our lives, my sister had an extremely low tolerance for my antics. I was getting really bored so I started dancing to the music coming from the car parked in front of us with a bunch of cute guys. All of sudden, I lost my footing and suddenly I saw the ugly concrete steps getting closer.

As I was falling, I realized that if I hit those steps I was going to be either severely hurt or killed. So in order to prevent my untimely death, I proceeded to extend my arms forward while I was falling and did what appeared to be a cartwheel down the ugly concrete steps. While I was falling, I could hear laughter and my sister yelling what the F&^K are you doing! I didn't even make a sound cause I was concentrating so hard on avoiding hitting my head, which was very disappointing because I find the sound effects people make when they are falling the funniest thing ever. Apparently, my sister and my niece didn't realize I was falling but the good looking guys in the car watching my incredible gymnastic flip knew exactly what was going on!

After I recovered somewhat from my acrobatic performance, I told my sister completely out of breath, “I fell down damn it and I could've been killed”!!

Her response was hysterical laughter. It was her evil, maniacal clown laugh that is either very funny or scary as hell. Then she started fighting with me over who was going to tell everyone the story first. Nice!

Anyway, karma is bi&%ch because during the renovations, those ugly steps came down! They had it coming after they made me trip in front of those boys.


Second Fall:

This fabulous fall happened one gorgeous Saturday afternoon while I was out rollerblading in Flushing Meadow park with all my nephews and nieces. My nephews and nieces were great at rollerblading and so they decided to go down the biggest hill in park and I always being the cool Aunt went right along with them or should I say flew beside them.

As I was going down the hill, I hit something on the ground and lost control. Right over the top of the hill I was airborne. I was at least 4 or 5 feet off the ground in a seated position with my legs spread out in front of me like a V.

While I'm in the air, my nephew and nieces were screaming, “oh my God, Oh my God, she is going to die”.

In the meantime, I was laughing and enjoying the breeze up there. Finally I hit the ground in my seated position (remember legs spread out in front forming a V) When I hit the ground, I proceeded to slide across the ground! I started thinking what the heck is going on? When am I going to stop? Do I have freaking wheels on my a$$? And then finally I saw light at the end of a tunnel or should I say, I saw a big fat tree in front of me. At this point I think one of my nieces was crying and running after me to stop my impending death. I finally crashed into the big beautiful tree and it was over.

My nephew and nieces were all very upset and there I was lying on the floor laughing hysterically. Thankfully, I didn't even have a scratch only few bruises and a sore booty. My nephew said, "Tia (that's what Latin kids call their aunts) I really thought you were going to die. I never saw someone up in the air that high."

My response, “That’s cause I’m fly like that.”