Kotex Wars!

Kotex Dispenser Wars

My friend, Alison lent me a quarter so that I could retrieve a pad from the Kotex dispenser and I got NOTHING again! I immediately had flashbacks to 8 months ago when I was working late one night. . .

I put a quarter in the Kotex dispenser and nothing came out of the stupid machine. I pulled the stupid lever again and again and nothing. I figured maybe something was stuck so I put my hand inside the open slot and was able to get my hand in all the way past my wrist but to no avail. I couldn’t get a damn thing. Frustrated with my hatred for the damn dispenser that has stolen yet another quarter from me; I pulled my hand back and realized my hand was stuck.

Now I was angry and scared. It was Friday night and everyone was gone except for the Director of my department and I started thinking about how embarrassing it would be to have your boss walk in on you while your hand is stuck inside the Kotex dispenser. While jiggling my hand, I started to sweat, panic and cry from the pain I was feeling in my hand. My mind went on to debate what situation would be worse. Would my boss walking in on me and calling the fire department to have the Jaws of Life remove my hand be worse than no one walking in so that I would stay stuck all weekend, starving, tired just so that my boss will walk in on me on Monday morning and call the fire department to have the Jaws of Life remove my hand and finally be rushed to the ER to have my hand amputated?

I realized no matter how this went down, I wasn’t safe from experiencing humiliation and pain. At this point a good minute or so had passed and my hand was now numb. I started praying to God to forgive my stupidity and spare me from the degradation of being discovered for being an idiot. Mercifully, God listened and my hand miraculously came out.

I was wet from the sweat; my hand was red and numb. I was in pain but I was never exposed for being an idiot that was willing to stick her hand into a small slot to retrieve a 25¢ Kotex! I’m sure I would have made the National news with that one.

The lesson learned: The Kotex dispenser is mightier than you. If it steals your quarter let it be. Just accept defeat and walk away!